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Star Wars Rise of the Empire, Prologue, Order 66
Published 2 months ago
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Star Wars, Rise of the Empire, Prologue Part 1, Order 66

War! For three long, dark years, the Clone Wars have raged across the galaxy. But with the recent destruction of Separatist leader, Count Dooku, many think that this war may be at an end. Back at the Jedi Temple, everything is normal, and on one is expecting the terror that is about to crash down upon the galaxy...

"Jade. You're late." I looked up at the gruff voice as I walked though the door. "Sorry Master," I said. "I forgot about our meditation session." "Jade," his voice was laced with frustration. "How are you going to become a Jedi knight if you keep on forgetting your lessons? Sit down." I sat down and closed my eyes. "Focus, focus." he said. I tried to focus but we were interrupted by screams, shouting and blaster fire. My eyes flew open and I looked up at Master Tark. He rose and moved to the door when it opened to reveal J'ak, a Jedi knight. "What is happening?" Tark said. J'ak looked at him and I could see the fear in his eyes. "Clones!" He said, gasping for breath. "Clones, everywhere. They came in and started shooting! We're trying to fight back but it's no use! And they were lead in by a Jedi! We were betrayed!" "No! That's impossible!" Master Tark said. "It's true! He was hooded, I didn't see his face before I came to warn you. You need to get out before..." Blaster fire echoed in the hall and J'ak fell to the ground.
I leaped to my feet and grabbed my lightsaber. Master Tark ran out of the room, saber swinging, and cut down the two clones in the hall. "Come Jade, we must get out." I followed him and we raced down the hall. "We can escape though the vents." He called. I ran, legs pumping, and breath coming raggedly in my chest. My mind whirled. What had happened? Who betrayed us and why? Suddenly we stopped. In our path there were several clones. Our lightsabers hummed as we deflected blaster bolts and cut down the troopers. We made it to the vents and managed to escape out of the temple. "Come, we are still not safe," Tark said. "But master shouldn't we..." I looked at the temple. "There is nothing we can do Jade." He look sorrowfully at the tall building, now with smoke billowing out. "We must run."

In the days that followed, we managed to find a way off Coruscant. We knew that Emperor Palpatine had destroyed the Republic, and had created the Empire. He had ordered the destruction of the Jedi Order. We didn't know if anyone else had survived. So we got off planet and hid with Tark's friend and trusted ally, Bail Organa on the planet Alderaan. He told us that Emperor Palpatine was a Sith Lord, but that we were not the only Jedi to survive. Master Obi-wan Kenobi, and Grand Master Yoda survived as well, but had gone into exile. "You should hide too. As far away as you can." He told us. "The Empire is looking to kill any Jedi that are left." So we hid on a distant planet on the outer rim for a year till the day the Empire came to that planet, destroying, and bullying the people. Then they took my master for what they called "insubordination" because he was standing up to them, saying they couldn't march onto a planet and take over.

I stayed on that planet, hiding and stealing for a few months until I saved a boy from being hit with a speeder. The boy, Carl Bricker, took me to his home and his family, out of gratitude, adopted me. I've been living with them, hiding my past and force powers, ever since.

The End

Chapter 1, coming soon

I expect reviews so write in the comments what you thought. Don't hold back on criticism. How will I get better if you don't tell me what I'm doing wrong? Anyway, I hope you liked it!

Chapter 1 https://mecabricks.com/en/models/xov7VG0kj0D
Chapter 2 https://mecabricks.com/en/models/0DvYOME829e
Chapter 3 https://mecabricks.com/en/models/qxv41B3GadJ
Chapter 4 https://mecabricks.com/en/models/Dp2lM63rjMV
Chapter 5 https://mecabricks.com/en/models/X8jOdVBPvYJ
Epilogue https://mecabricks.com/en/models/KbjQdrMP2dG
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MOCmaster
2 months ago
AWESOME!!!
Great detail!

Keep it up!
Dragon_Rider06
2 months ago
Thanks MOCmaster! If there is anything that needs improving be sure to point it out.
MOCmaster
2 months ago
Anytime!
I'll be sure to!
InterBrick
2 months ago
Very good story! The only things I can point out are the lapses of grammatical inaccuracy. Overall, nice job, and I look forward to the next part!
CalcManProductions
2 months ago
The major thing that seperates the great Mecabricks stories from the passable ones is SCENERY, SCENERY, SCENERY!! You have to have that complete scene to give your audience a better understanding of what's going on. I don't mean to brag, but if you've seen my backstory models it's pretty obvious to see how effective it is

Other than that you seem to have the writing down
Dragon_Rider06
2 months ago
@InterBrick, Thanks!

@CalcManProductions, Thanks! And yeah, I'm always getting told to put more scenery and description in my writings. I'll try to add more for the next part!
XForce198
2 months ago
I know you want criticism, but the only things I can see wrong are a few grammatical errors and the lack of scenery. Apart from that, this is amazing, I can’t wait to see what happens next!
Dragon_Rider06
2 months ago
I'm not good at grammar as you may have noticed
.
XForce198
2 months ago
No, your grammar's really good, there are only a few small errors.
Rubrickscube
2 months ago
Ok, I was expecting a short, paragraph-long description, but instead I got a short, novel-long description! And it was good!!! Believe me, few people can pull off a description as detailed and well-versed as this (with the exception of TCM who can do it Every. Single. Time!!!!), but seriously though, I am so blown away by the intricacy of this model's description. Nice job, and do not stop!

You might do very well in the area of a Fantasy Novelist.
Dragon_Rider06
2 months ago
Thanks Rubrickscube! It took me forever to write the story. (Writing isn't my strong point)
Dragon_Rider06
2 months ago
Thanks Rubrickscube! It took me forever to write the story. (Writing isn't my strong point)
Rubrickscube
2 months ago
You are welcome! Really? From what I just read, writing is one of your strengths.
Seriously, you could go far as a fantasy fiction novelist.
Dragon_Rider06
2 months ago
Yeah, no. Writing isn't my strong point.
Rubrickscube
2 months ago
Maybe not then, but a person is their own worst critic.
Rubrickscube
2 months ago
. I've had much experience with that saying.
MrBrick
2 months ago
That's great!
Rubrickscube
2 months ago
Welcome Sophie!!! If you need any help, then just ask.
MrBrick
2 months ago
@Rubrickscube Thanks for the welcome! And yes I probably will need help at some point!
@Dragon_Rider06 You're welcome!
Rubrickscube
2 months ago
Btw, I know my name takes a bit too long to type out. If you want, you can just call me RC, or RBC.
Lego_Lover
1 month ago
WOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!!!! That was so good! I can't wait to see more of it! That is really good storytelling, and a good Story!

That is way better than mine! Great job! (I should have made an Epilogue
)



And, not to be critical about it, but I think I saw an error.
It was "How are you Jedi knight if you keep on forgetting 'You' lessons?"
So, I thought you might have meant 'your'.
Lego_Lover
1 month ago
"How are you going to become a Jedi knight if you keep on forgetting 'you' lessons?" *
Lego_Lover
1 month ago
Btw, I like your Costume, and is your real name Jade?
Dragon_Rider06
1 month ago
Thanks L_L! I never saw that error thanks for pointing it out!
No. My real name isn't Jade. Jade seemed like a good Star Wars name.
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